Repeating Same Stories Over and Over Again
in: Graphic symbol, Etiquette
• May fifteen, 2020 • Last updated: May 29, 2021
What to Exercise When Someone Tells the Aforementioned Stories Over and Over
We all accept that friend or relative who tells the aforementioned stories over and over. As soon equally he or she gets underway with the well-worn setup, you can see spouses exchange a "here we go again" glance, and people intentionally endeavor to put on a face they hope disguises their disinterest and carries the appearance of listening to something for the first fourth dimension.
Nosotros want to be patient with people. Some folks retell stories because their retentivity isn't very good, or considering the deck of life experiences they draw from to make conversation isn't very deep. At the same time, nonetheless, listening to the same stories over and over tin make gatherings and get-togethers rather dull.
So what should you lot do in this state of affairs?
Since it's not the greatest hardship to listen to a story for the tenth time, and it seems like it would be rude to tell the speaker y'all've heard it before, nearly folks just grin and bear information technology.
That's a fine form of activeness, particularly if you're interacting with an older person, whose mind isn't what it used to be and who could utilize some grace and perennially attentive listening.
Only information technology'southward arguably not the best way to handle things in many cases, either for yourself as the listener, or for the speaker.
Even though we remember that letting people tell the same stories without correction is the "prissy" matter to practice, in some ways, it's actually not and so polite.
Though listeners attempt their best to pretend it'due south the first time they've heard what is in fact a familiar story, most people aren't very practiced actors (some people start to look down at their phones because they know they're not); it'south peculiarly hard to faux genuine, surprise-driven laughter. As a issue, something invariably seems off to the speaker about the reaction of his "audition"; he tin sense that his listeners don't seem every bit interested or amused by the story as he thought they'd be. The speaker may thus feel dislocated and hurt, and wonder if he said something wrong, or is just a boring person.
At the same time, most people would desire to know if they were telling a story they'd already shared before, which is something well-nigh everyone does on occasion, including yourself! It's a lilliputian mortifying to think that there have convincingly been times when people were faking their reactions to your own repeated anecdotes. You probably would have preferred that someone stopped you.
Y'all just wouldn't desire them to exercise it in a rude way.
Fortunately, there's an approach to stopping a repeated story which minimizes the sting of "rejection."
Interrupting someone when they begin an chestnut yous've already heard with "Y'all've told this story earlier!" will tend to make the speaker feel chastised and embarrassed.
Instead, frame your interjection in a softer form — a question which shows yous're already familiar with the story: "Was this the fourth dimension when you lost your lid?" "Was this the trip where you ran into Arnold Schwarzenegger?" The speaker will likely then say something like, "Oh, you've heard this story earlier!" By getting them to say it, instead of you, the realization won't brand them feel equally awkward.
Sometimes, fifty-fifty if you take heard someone's story before, y'all realize you lot've forgotten some of the details, and would like to hear it again, in which case you lot may say, "I have heard this story, but I forget how information technology turns out. Tell u.s. once more." A story that might have seemed tedious if the speaker had "forced" it on y'all, volition so seem more interesting, since you asked for it. Both speaker and listener volition enjoy a greater sense of rapport.
If someone is a perennial story-reteller, it can help to bring upwards their previously-told stories yourself at other times. "Well at to the lowest degree you didn't lose your chapeau this go round." "Would you say the feel was even better than meeting Arnold?" Hearing external affirmation of their stories will solidify in their retentivity the fact that they've already shared them with you. (Re-surfacing things people have previously told yous is merely a generally good practice; everyone likes to know that y'all truly listen and retain what they tell you!)
When yous're the speaker, if you experience any tinge of incertitude as to whether or not you've shared a certain story before, it never hurts to ask earlier you lot begin: "Did I ever tell yous most the time I got into a fist fight with the postman?"
So too, which stories you've shared with which sets of friends/relatives can get understandably disruptive, so it can help to make a mental note after a social gathering like, "Okay, I've shared my story most the ferocious koala bear with the Smith'southward."
Everyone re-tells stories from time to time, and if as a listener you like repeated tales, by all means enjoy them on each and every become round. Simply if you feel like information technology might exist best for all involved to stop a narrative railroad train earlier it leaves the station, know that there's a way to offer some polite redirection.
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Source: https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/etiquette/what-to-do-when-someone-tells-the-same-stories-over-and-over/